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Made by Heather
Made by Baby Dawn♥
Me at 21 years old and Destiny♥
              My little Destiny passed away due to carbon Monoxide poisoning due to a house fire. The thought of that night still torments me. I can still feel and taste the smoldering heat and acridic smell of the poison. When I tried to find her to get her out. I am tormented by the thoughts... I try to go on. It was almost impossible for me that first year. I have come to love my new baby and she helps me a lot. However I still miss my Destiny and always will. I am saddened by the thought that her little sister didnt get to physically meet her. I have to try to keep going, for Destiny's memory, for Evelyn, and for me. It is hard and some days I dont succeed. I know it seems to some that its been long enough, but some days it feels brand new all over again. There are days when I feel like this message is dumb and I wanna strangle myse;f for writting it. Most days I dont want to go on but I hid it well, at times anyway. I miss my daughter and will NEVER ever forget her.  I also had to unfortunatly make a new site. My sister was murder New Years Day and her link is http://www.brenda-greenwood.memory-of.com  what happened the night of April 15 2004 this is the whole story, everything I remember anyhow..... I was having a really crappy day and night, to top it off Comed had cut off my electricity (I was 100.00$ short of the bill) I was going to have the money the next day and they would NOT budge. anyhow we decided we needed candles for light so we lit all the ones we had. We had some lit on the walls(like the entrance to the living room) you know in the decorative candle holders... some tapers, some teacup candles, some in the living room and bathroom. My husbands son and his son's brother were there (it was spring break) also my best friends kids. Me and my hubby had a disagreement and were arguing. My daughter Destiny and me decided to go to bed early due to the lights being out and it being a little chilly outside. The kids all had those little glowsticks(the ones you put in your mouth) so we went to bed. I was very tired, extremely tired due to being 4 and a half months pregnant and also stress. My baby(Destiny) and me went to my room on the left in the middle of the house. My husband told the boys to go to sleep in the living room and Claudia layed her kids down in the front room~Destiny's room. My brother Jason, Jorge and Claudia went outside before bed to chill(hang out). Back in my room I layed her(Destiny) on the inside of my left arm as she mumbled to me and rubbed my arm and belly, she kept sighing and I felt so stupid because I had been arguing in front of her. Then I got PISSED she was barely 7 and sitting here worrying about me when she should be thinking of her birthday party that was 2 days away! she rubbed my belly and said "mommie today was not such a good day, maybe tomorow(damn)will be a better day" and I lost it! I wish I could change it and lie but I cant. I yelled at her and told her "shutup! dont worry about it, this is grown peoples problems, you are a little girl when are you going to stop worrying about mommie!?" she let out a big sigh from her tiny little skinny body and turned over to fall asleep. we started drifting off it was about 10 pm or later I don't know it was dark and I had no electricity. At one point beore knocking out I called her " Destiny, mamas...?....Destiny, mamita I'm sorry for yelling at you...".......no answer all she did was moan or mumble. Thats all I remember. Thats it our last words! Fucking great huh? I started falling into this deep sleep.Out of no where there is a whole bunch of noise and screaming and what sounds like fighting, tumbling on the ground or...? umm,...? maybe pounding on my door?....yes its pounding, is it, was it? these *&^%$#@# their out their partying or making noise while my bills need to be paid,(is what I thought) Im pregnant I have to work tommorow is what I was thinking . I was so tired I can't begin to describe how I felt I was mad and so groggy I felt like someone had gave me a huge dosage of nyquil. so anyway I'm super mad, I get up and removed Destiny off my arm quietly and smoothly to not wake her up. I layed her down and covered her up. I got up super mad, and warm? ... hmm anyway, well I walk out my room and open the door and close it behind me. (biggest mistake #1 of my life) the boys were their, my husbands son and his brother. they looked bewilderd and VERY dirty. Their faces were black they were jumping up and down and they are screaming at me. I was so mad still thinking of cussing out all the adults and trying to keep awake, I was so sleepy. I walked to the next room and my throat started tingling bad (like when you mix clorox and vinegar, if you never have, don't, its deadly) anyhow it was pitch black 15 feet away and glowing? huh? damn Im tired.( I was so groggy and confused) Finally I yell at the boys to talk to me one at a time. they said "the house is on fire!" ....okay....huh?.. oh shit! it must be the paper on the table or the toilet paper in the bathroom, is what was running through my mind at the moment. I then turned to face the kitchen sink and grabed the wash rag so I can turn off whatever fire we had. damn my eyes are burning! I turn to go back where I came from.......THE WHOLE SIDE AT LEAST 4 TO 8 INCHES OF THE SIDE OF THE LIVING ROOM ENTRANCE WALL WAS A BLAZE!! MORE THAN A WASH RAG CAN HELP I took a step towards my room and thought of all the kids...shit! I ran to the outside to call the rest of the adults (biggest mistake ever) and the boys followed (my Destiny was always with me, and they were always with her) when I opened the door it was as if I set off a bomb all the windows exploded and the fire spread to the next room while the noise shattered everyone upstairs awake (Destiny too apperently) My husband and Brother ran in to save the kids.....they went too the first room 12 seconds later I ran back in looking for Destiny, pitch black I was so disoriented in my own house it was black dark acidy and I could feel dry instantly. An acidy hot, horribly hot, intensly, acidy, feeling all over my body. I ran for air by the door hubby realized I didn't have her and I realized w horror he didn't either. Half a minute had passed already since I opened the door to call for help. He ran to the room to get her pushing me away to outside. She wasn't on the bed! He kept looking meanwhile outside the firemen had arrived and are holding me back as Im screaming "let me go my fucking house is burning my baby is gonna burn to death!" All the kids heard me and stared in horror at the flames engulfing the second floor roof, yup that quick. I got loose and ran in the house. I made it a few feet in when all I remember is a guy carrying me and saying " I need an ambulance she passed out and shes pregnant" wheres my kid? they began running out the house pulling my husband too, no Destiny! I awoke too and refused medical care. I wanted to go back in. I was being held back by civilians and screaming let me go let me go punching and kicking. all of a sudden all the air in my body let out and my heart skipped a beat. ( I honestly believe that was her last breath, dont ask me why just a thing I feel) I said "I need a phone" they were like 'ma'am we cant let you go' and I was like "no I am not going in their" and they are still praying WTF?! who are you praying too, for what?! so I turned and this is when the new me began living and I looked them dead in the eye and said " the fucking roof is caving in, you can all shut up now, shes dead and he aint listening" they stared at me, some of them let their grip go...thank you. I walked to the neighbors and called my sister and told her what happened, I was in shock and she thought I had a miscarraige because my house was burning. Meanwhile I walk out and the firemen are working oh so slow and all of a sudden all the civilians and neighbors are being moved far away from me. The firemen isolated me away from the kids and asked me, they asked me....oh man they asked me what her dentists name was........... I screamed, even though I felt it earlier it sucked all the life out of me. I repeated it after falling to the floor and screaming. Afterwards a hospital bed covered with a sheet came rolling out of my house and they put the bed in the back of the ambulance. The ambulance stayed put meanwhile a priest or whatever the fuck that man was walked towards me..... "no, leave, don't tell me I dont wanna know...please stop walking near me" is and were my thoughts.He came up to me and said.... the man of God, the compassionate man, said "we found a child and it's dead" NO she is not a child she is my life, who are you? I screamed. then they forced me in the ambulance to get oxygen and check my vitals.All the kids were already being treated, especially the ones that were in the living room. I asked to see her and they denied me the right.Then they said I wasn't doing too good and needed to be checked. I said "fuck my life" I asked to see her they said at the hospital, so I got in the ambulance feeling very numb,dumb and quessy. once I got their they began treating me for carbon monoxide poisoning and checking the babys (unborn) vitals since I passed out face first on my stomach. I was mad this baby inside me was fine I want my daughter, the one I already know let me see her. they told me at the hospital she wasn't their and I had been lied to. Her fathers mother showed (yea ) and started tending to me and asking me questions of course I answered like this for like 2 weeks "the house burned I left outside for help she died" (yea fucking mother of the year award goes too....) all of a sudden more church guys....no wait they have badges and cards? huh? ma'am sorry for your loss but we are detectives in suspicious deaths and we........" huh? what the fuck?! suspicios??? Well...... we all survived, she didn't, the house was beyond normal heat wise and burned very fast (all the above I described happened in minutes) so whoopdedoo an investigation....good I want to know what the hell happened to my baby, why so fast? Then my Jehovah Witnesses friends and aquaintances wanna come to see me....screw God go away! I feel bad now but not too bad, only for them. Spread the word tell every religion in this town to leave me alone! finally after 3 days in the hospital on Oxcygen beinf treated for 27 % carbon monoxide poisoning, drama, and her memorial service it was all over.The investigation and autopsy finished.It said she had 97 % carbon monoxide and in her lungs death due to carbon monoxide poisoning due to a house fire. They conducted an investigation and their conclusion was one of the taper candles against the wall(on the decorative candle holder) was cracked, as it began to melt it also was dripping hot wax below on the carpet and wood varnish. It kept melting until it broke off and luck of all my luck stayed lit and ignited the hot wax carpet and wall below. 6 % , 6 fucking percent of tapers supposedly do this. Nice odds all for me!:( I still find this unbelievably incredulous. I still am mad, sad, and angry. I still can't take it. I may laugh. I may be nicer I may even look for this God that seems to need hearing aids from time to time. I can be nice, but this is the story and now you know everything I know, feel, and live everyday of my life. ~ Wow I was feeling angry that day huh? well it comes and goes, thank God I'm working on it. ~    
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Click here to see Destiny Perez's Family Tree |
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